3 a.m.

It's 3 a.m. and as in the past when things ain't right I can't sleep.
I still don't know what's wrong I asked and was told nothing so i'm in the dark. There were none of the cuddles and hugs that we'd been having over the last two weeks when we got into bed so I guess we are back in the land of codswallop.
I know it's not all me history proves that. I was not the one who was going to walk out, I didn't make a promise and then break it, I am not the one that snaps when somethings not to my liking. He is the one where the past is still hurting us.So how come I'm the one that can't sleep, I'm the one that feels like shit, and I blame myself, and he doesn't love me.
I have to trust him else I'd go crazy, but what if .............................................

I've had a couple of pills to see if they'll help me sleep. And I hope that by writing some of this on my blogger it will help me to stop worrying . I wake each day wondering if and sometimes hopeing this will be my last. I try not to cry any more but sometimes I can't help it.
Life is all fairy codswallop again.