It's getting better

Hi

I now know that some of what's been happening I have to take the blame for.
I know that what Graham did was not o.k. (It started my downward spiral) but after that and what happened at work, and on the day before I was due to go on holiday. I sank into a really deep depression, I don't think I have ever been so low. Not even during the years I was with Ken( my ex) and he managed to seriously screw with my mind on several occassions.
I turned inside myself and although some of this was to let Rachel have real quality time with Graham. I shut completely down and worse still I shut him out. I didn't tell him how I was feeling and he didn't draw me in to his family, in fact a couple of times he shut me even further out. Behaving as if I wasn't part of his family. This only served to make my desparation and depression even worse.
I was alone and he was lonely. I can only say this now that I am hopefully through the worst.

I know he lied to me (I hope this is the last time because the next time I really don't know how I will react) and I don't particularly like them being friends. To be honest it frightens the hell out of me and if he cares about me he wouldn't do it but I am a little more rational now, I hope.

To-day Sunday October 16th we went to the Ideal home show, we had a great day and then went for a curry to night. It seemed just like before all this started, But is this just fairytale codswallop, Or............. I will just have to wait and see.

So long as the depression stays away I will have to learn to cope with whatever he throws in my direction.