one day

well I knew it would happen one day. The very thing I have dreaded for the last 18 months. Graham may have to go to Israel for a week. I have been able to box up the past and learn to trust him again. Now all my insecurities are coming back to haunt me............

It's been hard for us both over the last 3-4 weeks since I broke my arm ... We can't cuddle up or make love properly and with all the hours he has had to put in for work, I have been feeling a little alone. But he has been great taking care of me. now this!!!!

I would like to say that I don't have any problem with him going to Israel alone but that would be a lie I am just so insecure with him............... he was going to go last time. If she is there he could decide I am not the one he wants and go to her...

See it's opened a huge can of worms in this head of mine...

I suggested I could go with him but his reaction said 'no way'.... you could but the flights may be too expensive, you should go back to work.........

I think I will go crazy if he goes but I can't stop him.......... it's work.

I am so happy but I am bound to screw this up.... ahhhhh and piss him off..

I don't think he realises what this information has already done to me, and as much as I have to face this, It is definately going to fxxx with my head. Shit shit shit!!!!!