Nearly there

Well we are nearly there (new year). I think we have had a good christmas. Everyone came over for boxing day and all seemed well.

I really thought I had done something wrong on Christmas day, he went very quiet but he explained later so it was just me being nervious.

The only thing that has kept coming to mind over the last few days or even weeks has been that he hasn't mentioned her mails........... Are they still in touch? Should I be worried that they are? I am trying really hard to ignore this, but that is the hardest part to deal with. It's a 'secret' a bit like when he was planning to disappear off to Israel to be with her.

I have managed to box everything else up in my head and although not forget it at least store it away and to get on with the rest of our lives.

My new years resolution must be to stay happy and relaxed and to cope with any little issues in the same way and box it away and ignore it.
I hope he is happy, he doesn't always say. But I will stay strong enough for the both of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ( fairytale codswallop and all)

Heres to our future cheers!!!!!!!!!!

Life

Well life continues to be good I could almost say great.
We are getting on great.
I sometimes think I have upset or said something wrong but he puts up with that and I try to remember what it might have been and not do or say any thing again.
Christmas and the end of year is almost here and we (I) have to look forward and get on with this fariytale codswallop life.
I am so looking forward to the rest of our life together.

Good times

The good times are finally here and hopefully here to stay........
He still doesn't say if he's heard from her but he may think what I don't know won't hurt me.
Sometimes that's very wrong and the thought kills me but I do try very hard not to let it get me down.
If I can box it up and shut it out then that's what I need to do to stay sane and in control.

We are nearly at the end of this annus horribilus I think that's what the Queen called her worst year ever. Well this has been mine without exception............. but as the new year is nearly here it can only get better ( I hope) Or is it fairytale coddswallop.

On New Years Eve I hope we can open a bottle of champagne and toast in the next year.
So long as it's nothing like this one we will survive.

I love him to bits but I still have to have the reassurance that he loves me too so I don't fall to bits again.


HAPPY NEW YEAR (fairytale codswallop and all).

not again

I hope this is not a bad sign but he didn't say Michael had asked for baby things for christmas.
I thought there were to be no more secrets but that he kept to himself.
Or..................... did her talk to Debbie about it (yes I have named her because what the hell I need to get rid of this ghost and put it into the past ).
I thought this was all over (fairytale codswallop) or what.
I always trust him to be honest but am I being too sensitive perhaps so but I've also been heart renchingly hurt that I am a little manic about so many little things. I know this is totally irrational and such a small blip so I'm writting this so as not to get so depressed again that I throw our life away all because I didn't box it and get over it.
Heres to the new year I want to clear the slate and start again. If that means I believe in fairytales, codswallop and all so be it.
I now know that I sometimes am an unreasonable cow and that he didn't say anything because we had already got Michaels presents and anyway we wouldn't have brought him baby things.
If she wants the highchair for christmas then that's what she can have (£20 ) thats her choice.

I am going to make a bigger effort not to be so sensitive about this years problems.

This has got to be the end of the SHIT and the new year has got to be exactly that a new start.

Holiday

We have just had four days holiday together and I must admit that although we had a great time in Cyprus, time at home worried me a bit, as I know I get on his nerves sometimes.
I think sometimes he is tired and takes it out on me (he doesn't realise it though).
But I think we have had a lovely time together, I have really enjoyed it anyway.
I know he thinks I ignore him sometimes but I really do try to listen to everything he has to say.
But he doesn't always listen to me either.
Anyway I love him, I've had a great time and I think that if he has a bit more patience with me we can really have a long and happy life to-gether (fairytale codswallop or what?)
At least that's what I'm going to hope for.

Long time

It's been a long time since I've needed to use this blog.
I know I was very depressed but thank god I now feel a lot better and more able to cope with whats been happening to us.
I now have more self confidence and belief that we can get through this and go on to grow old together at least that's what I dream of. no not fairytale codswallop I hope.
He has been very obviously trying to convince me that he loves me and I so want to believe that, and I do!!!!!!!
We laugh, have fun, love and enjoy each others company again. This is almost back to or better than it's ever been, long may it survive.
I think I only have one qualm they still chat to one another (and I don't always see the mails cos I cant keep asking) That so feels like a slap in the face.
well it's time to pack up for to-night may write again soon....