may be

I seem to have up upset him a couple of times this week. I know he is tired but so am I.
I have more to lose than he does anyway, I have my self esteem to hold together. These days it's almost non exsistant anyway, I have my sanity too to worry about.
He still hasn't shown me any mails, thats two weeks now and I am so scared, I keep wondering whats going on.
I keep looking to tomorrow (I did this with Ken) believing it can only get better.
I am looking forward to going on holiday but it's scarey too, What if we don't get on, what if I anoy him. What if!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can only hope that maybe my hopes and dreams will come true (fairytale coddswallop or what).

I hope he can love me again but I doubt it, I always knew (as he told me) that he would never love me and that's all I ever wanted from him.
My head is so mixed up I just want to be normal again. But some days I don' know how.